At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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