happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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