I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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