barbara walters just said penis...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
