Duck Duck Cougar?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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