That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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