She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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