absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
