OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
