I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
