she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
