so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
