i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize