lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So vagazzling was a success
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
