I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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