I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
