I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
