we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
