we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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