i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
