That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
