It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
