Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize
