Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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