Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
