If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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