I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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