You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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