I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
