She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
