Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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