We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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