Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
