the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
