ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
