Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
