Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
