the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
