I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
