Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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