If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How does one acquire holy water?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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