there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
