I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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