i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize