So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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