hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
