One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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