I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize