i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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