redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
