You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize