Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
