Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
