they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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