Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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