Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
