I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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