I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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