I look better un-naked...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
