your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
