how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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