I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize