Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
