I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
