are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
