ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
