So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
