Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
