1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
