i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
