he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize