Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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