hotel room ftw
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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