so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i think i just lost a toe
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
