The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize