a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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