i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize