the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
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