At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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