By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
