When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
