Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize