I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
