Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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