Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
