Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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