Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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