I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im calling her cock vulture from now on
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
