Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
