You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
