And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
