What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Houston, we have a blender
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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