Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm too high and old for this...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
