Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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