If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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