Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize