and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
