Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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