yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
